Gradlympics: May Report

After the last update, the Gradlympics scores stood at 3-2 Oxford. Read on to hear the results from the past few weeks.

Event No. 6: Badminton

And so, to Badminton. The first task was to select our doubles.

Oxford found their badminton pairings like starry-eyed teenagers. Most memorably Erskine gave Morgan a heartfelt proposal for his hand in racket. How romantic. Abingdon on the other hand, found theirs more through dictatorship. Got paired up with the smelly kid in blue shorts? Too bad.

Oxford had suffered enough weeks being outdressed, and came out with a very fetching breathable navy mesh. It even came adorned with nicknames intended to terrify the opposition, like Shredder, Gainz, and… No Socks. Shudders.

After a fun session of lucky dip, the games were decided. All eyes were on Stuart to start, the most feared among the Oxford team. But losing 9-3 in his first game, things were not going to plan. Ascott and Hawkes thought they had found a winning strategy. But Korzeniowska and Stuart produced a combative, agile display to recover the win 15-12. 

Organiser Stuart was very clear – Most points wins. Not games. After round 1 Oxford won on games, lost on points. In round 2, Oxford won on games, lost on points. Hmph.

There were nail-biting, last point victories for Witty and O’Callaghan and Stuart and Erskine. Oxford had the edge when under pressure. But a big win for Todd and Howe put Abingdon in the driving seat. 

The match of the day might have to be the thrilling spectacle that was Erskine and D. Morgan vs Ascott and L. Morgan. A back and forth contest, with powerful attacking from Oxford. Abingdon’s Morgan showed her experience with fast defensive parries as they overcame a 14—11 deficit to win.

Oxford kept winning games, but Abingdon, like a resolute bloodied boxer, kept taking a lot to be beaten. In the final round, a clean sweep of wins by Abingdon put victory beyond doubt. 168-138 in points. An even 6-6 in games.  

Badminton is, all in all, a friendly sport. There’s just something about the way the shuttlecock drifts happily over the net. Sure Quirk and co. could employ their ‘hit it very hard’ strategy, but overall it was a sport everyone could participate in ably and enjoyably. The close games were good signal of this.

Abingdon

Oxford

Event No. 7: Table Tennis

Quite unlike the good-natured doubles of badminton, table tennis was to be played in unforgiving singles. Raw ability, experience and hand eye coordination were to count. This was a week for the cream of players to stand out. 

And the creamiest of all was Fulton. He lined up the innocent first timers from Abingdon like lambs to the slaughter. 15-0. 15-0. There was only one who could save Abingdon now. One who could stop this. One last hope.

Quirk vs Fulton. This was not just another match. Everything stopped. A hush fell over the crowd as the magnitude of the game dawned upon them. The effect on team morale could be huge. Almost as large, some might say, as the effect on the winner’s ego. 

The play was fast, tense and aggressive. Quirk tested his opponent with fierce topspin and tricky side spin serves. The crowd held their breath in awe. Lukenskas shouted random, unhelpful words; seemingly lost in the moment.

Fulton excelled in defence as much as attack, keeping the ball in play from any position, forcing points to be won, rather than lost. Combining this with strong services of his own, Fulton came through his greatest test 15-10 victor.

Moore, with three impressive victories, supported Fulton in building Oxford’s advantage. But elsewhere Abingdon were gaining small, regular victories. Most had thought Oxford were ahead by a good distance, but the gap had been slowly closing.

The final match pitched Robson against Witty. Rumours spread round that the result was critical. How many did Robson need to win by? Robson pushed the ball around well and built up a lead, but Witty stubbornly kept his tally ticking along. 15-12 to Robson. Was it enough?

Richyal, wielding his spreadsheet like a precious artifact, kept all in order. The result: 270-263 to Oxford. Just 7 points from over 500 played split the teams. Interestingly 12-12 in games, offering some karma from the previous week. 

Your experience of table tennis depended somewhat on which end of the battering ram you were located. The game excelled in evenly matched games across all abilities, but could feel quite punishing as the gap in capability widened.

Darren takes on Adomas

Event No. 8 Wii Games

5pm. Workers had gone home. The graduates were gathered in the area where not long ago, we had been doing interviews and assessments. Now we were casually selecting which Italian plumber we would like to initiate combat with. How times change.

This was a highly anticipated event. For weeks the gamers had been subjecting themselves to all this exercise. Now it was time to rise up and show how to button mash. Mario Kart Wii and Super Smash Bros Ultimate. Two events in one night.

With both the Wii and Switch owners on side, Abingdon began as favourites. After a healthy few minutes explaining what the hell all the confusing numbers meant to the uninitiated, the smashing could start. 

But just before we unleashed the gaming, the maintenance team appeared, and sheepishly began dismantling the ceiling beside us. We looked across in awkwardness as they slowly unpacked a ladder. The poor souls. They even put up a flimsy plastic barrier to protect themselves from the riotousness. 

Punch, Kick, Punch, Spin Kick, Fireball! You wonder what the empty air ever did to us to deserve such a beating. Once both players had finally manoeuvred themselves within a well-timed shoryuken of each other, things started getting interesting.

There were moments of tension in the early fights. There was always a sort of armistice midway through each game as everyone jumped after the big shiny ball. At points it seemed that the most lethal force in each game was a player’s own self-will to swan dive off the side of the map. Meta Knight’s wings proved a saviour here.

Livesey and Morgan pitched Kirby against Pikachu in a colourful battle. There were gasps when the cheery pink orb savagely swallowed the little Pokémon. Pikachu scampered in terror from this hammer-swinging, bubble-gum beast. It came down to the final life, where after a long struggle Morgan dumped Livesey’s Kirby off the edge to win.

Top marks to Litherland-Smith, Witty and Bookless for comfortable wins, but Robson was the star as the only one to manage a perfect 3-0 result. All this amounted to a 27-22 win for Abingdon. 

On the Karting front you could tell who had a real childhood. Why go climb trees when you can wheelie along them on Maple Treeway, right? Experienced riders Livesey and Bookless asserted their dominance on Rainbow Road. Cooper and Todd produced an unlikely win against a strong team in Witty and Measures. From here Abingdon accelerated into a huge lead.

Credit to Witty for then generously giving turn by turn coaching to Korzeniowska, who did her best in a tough field. Abingdon’s strength in depth showed and despite Livesey’s heroics in the final game, Oxford still lost 248-310 in points.

Helena and Leah fight it out in Smash Bros

Faces of concentration along Rainbow Road

So a double win for Abingdon. This has swung the scores on their head, and Abingdon leads 5-4. Reports on the netball, laser tag and pub quizzing to come! Stay tuned.

P.S. Thanks to Stevie and Nik for kindly lending their games consoles!