Event No. 9: Netball
The Culham Sport and Social Association runs a wide range of
social activities open to everyone on site. One of those is netball. It was a
fiercely hot day. Seasons change, but the Gradlympics continues. Indeed the Gradlympics
had been going so long, new reinforcements had arrived in the form of new
graduates.
As we started our practice, Livesey and Todd seemed stunned
that everyone didn’t know all the rules. It seemed most of the men among us had
missed out on a childhood rite of passage learning our Wing Defences from our Goal
Attacks.
Abingdon, as winners of basketball, began as slight
favourites. But Oxford had reason for confidence. If there was one take-away
from basketball it was that in the absence of skill, height is a damn good substitute.
So when Oxford stood taller than Abingdon in 6 of the 7 positions,
they sensed an advantage. And so it proved in the early stages with Oxford
taking a quick 3-0 lead. Abingdon were lost. They had barely touched the ball.
There was good play all over from Oxford, but the star was
Lukenskas. This was his event. As everyone else struggled to carefully line up
their goal shots, he just seemed to drop them in. A deft hand, attached to a bruising
body. Hawkes put in a fairly heroic defence in the face of Lukenskas’
aggression. But the score kept rising.
Abingdon, a little shell shocked, knew they had to change
approach. With shorter, low bounce passes, they found some breakthroughs.
In a very competitive second quarter Abingdon recorded their first scores. But
they still trailed as Lukenskas found the net again.
The new faces were putting in very promising performances;
Parry-Wright with some excellent catching and Berry with some smooth linking
play with Fulton.
In the second half Oxford excelled in the midfield. Todd and
Quirk up front were starved of ball as Oxford dominated possession. Their
penetrating attacks were converted at an overwhelming rate.
The game paused when Measures was catapulted into the tarmac.
Was his jostling too great, or his legs too speedy? After about 5 minutes, we
notice a few conspicuous blood stains on the ball.
The game ended 10-3 to Oxford. This was one of the most
one-sided events of the Gradlympics. Oxford may be ruing Lukenskas’ absence
from the basketball. Things were level
again at 5-5.
The teams warm up on court
Event No. 10: Laser Tag
This was a long-awaited event. Talk of a laser tag social
predates the Gradlympics. Hell it predates most of the graduates. An archived
social, revived.
Into a gladiatorial arena walked the twelve graduates. It
was very dark, very hot. Dim coloured bulbs lit up a selection of barrels and
wooden panelling. The teams lined up beside their bases, setting up guard
through peepholes.
Now from a journalistic perspective, when the objective of
this game is essentially to hide in a dark room, one can only offer so much as
commentary. A round was typified by periods of tense emptiness, stalking and
shuffling, punctured by flashes of green and red crossing paths.
It could be frustrating at times. You could be camped up,
hidden with three walls of cover, and lo your body starts flashing. You’d been
hit. Where from? Who by? From the darkness. By the enemy.
In the first round Hawkes pressed up high against Moore and Morgan,
who held behind the exposed entrance to Oxford’s base. Cooper and Quirk prowled
the midfield. Summer placement student Hershmann made darting attacks then
retreated. Bookless was the lone defender of the Abingdon base, mainly because
no one else had worked out where the base was.
Out of the arena we quickly looked for a score. We found a
lot of large numbers on a screen. It seemed the Cooper was rated 200000, top
scoring for Abingdon. Whether that was points, bullets or teabags it didn’t
really matter because after a few seconds the scores were gone without trace. Hershmann
took top spot for Oxford. Overall, on an unrelated scale, a score of 2300-2100
to Oxford.
We questioned the scoring system: “It’s too complicated to
explain, you wouldn’t understand” our host generously said.
In the second round people were wiser. They began to realise
that the true strategy was to first get a kill which activated automatic fire.
Then go full Rambo. Livesey and Oxford attacked more and succeeded in
destroying the Abingdon base. A rewarding scoreline. 2400-2000 Oxford.
In the last round Abingdon, with nothing to lose, went all
out. Todd kept watch while the rest launched an assault. Oxford’s base, for the
first time, was breached. Under such a high press, Oxford tried to outflank
them, with only moderate success. Abingdon won 2300-2000.
Cooper was up to 415000. But the top scorer again was
Hershmann, a fantastic debut. 2-1 to Oxford. Oxford were back in the Gradlympics
lead 6-5.
Abingdon
Oxford
Event No. 11: Pub Quiz
Covering everything from neutron stars, to Dr Neo Cortex, to
the peak chart position of “Baby shark”, this pub quiz had everything. Everything
except a pub.
The desks were laden with chocolate, sweets and doughnuts. This
quiz had food. Delicious, unhealthy food. The graduate scheme panel had put
together 10 diverse, testing rounds. We extend a huge thanks to all that helped
come up with questions.
The most interesting and innovative part of the quiz was the
split round structure, which made each team choose how to split their squad
every round. It gave teams meaningful, difficult decisions on how to distribute
their knowledge base. This quiz had strategy. On the front table were the classic
quiz rounds such as Music, Science and General Knowledge. Out back had more
unusual tests on Culham or Donald Trump’s tweets.
Among the more interesting answers – Abingdon incorrectly solved
the dingbat for “A Song of Ice and Fire” as “Sing with the ice cream in the
flames”. So close, but also, so not. No team correctly knew the meaning of the acronym
OAS. Thankfully for fusion there was more success on MAST-U and ITER.
After the last entertaining round, the teams waited with bated
breath. 128-122. Oxford had won. It was over.
But wait.
Someone put the X-files music on.
A round had been missed. Now 146-141. But that was only the
start. Tokamak Tales today brings you a behind the scenes scoop. A sneak peek
of the quiz answers.
If you are of virtuous mind you may want to look away now.
Some of the images viewers might find upsetting.
We’ve all seen a wrong answer marked right. But have you
ever seen a wrong answer, crossed out, and marked wrong – marked right? Behold.
Swiftly followed by Frozen’s Idina Menzel, awarded correct for Oxford,
incorrect for Abingdon.
More hope, you would think, for the unambiguous True/False
rounds. And yet…
There were more. All rounds bar two were recounted. When
accounted for, unbelievably, Abingdon stood 2 points clear. The Gradlympics had
gone a couple of rounds without controversy. About time for another. On the one
hand Abingdon were ahead, but without a complete recount, things were not
confirmable.
The mobs began taking their sides “Based on the information you
have, Abingdon should win!” “If there are missing
answers it's a bit tricky to declare a winner..” “We really can only make a call on the numbers we
have received”.
The president, with democracy failing him, declared a draw. The scores
were held at 6-5 Oxford entering into the final two events. Stay tuned.
