The Graduate Olympics Kicks Off!

In the time between saving the world through developing almost limitless clean energy, you might wonder what the graduates get up to. Here is little something to show off the great social side of the graduate scheme at UKAEA. Because alongside the world-leading fusion facilities here at Culham there is another, slightly less well known, patch of grass. One that was about to bear witness to what can only be called the next great rivalry in sport.

Jimmy had a plan. It came to him, as so many great ideas do, over a stiff drink. A series of sporting events, once a week pitching the best Oxford residents against those from Abingdon. Also Didcot, we never forget about Didcot.

And so the ‘Gradlympics’ was born. The tight-knit graduates, freshly knotted from self-awareness, were about to be cruelly bisected. 

Event No. 1: Football

After weeks of posturing, trash-talking and jibes – things were about to get real.

And what better event to start off the Gradlympics than the most popular sport on planet Earth, Football. A sport played with as much passion and prowess in the cold climbs of Iceland as in the tropical Amazon. For the graduates the passion was there in spades. The prowess, well, was a development opportunity.

The game started with some back and forth play, but few breakthroughs. It was looking a low scoring game until Korzeniowska, in the process of innocently ‘defending her ovaries’, inadvertently conceded a penalty. The spot kick was slotted away. 1-0 Abingdon.

Those who knew what they were doing barked words like ‘Tackle!’, ‘Through ball!’ and ‘Set the offside trap!’ which were duly ignored. One of the few fouls of the game left Abingdon with a free kick at an enticing range. Ascott lined up and served a delicious curling shot into the corner, with what he claims is his ‘wrong’ foot. 2-0. Abingdon had found its Cristiano. 

Chris Stuart makes a run through the midfield

Half time brought rest for Oxford, and also oranges. Oxford began the second half pressing hard, with Fulton, Moore and Stuart probing the defence. But they couldn’t have predicted the wall they would encounter.

Quirk was a fortress. Catch after catch, save after save. Was it experience, athleticism, or a simple love of being an annoyance that produced such results? We may never know.

But if Quirk was a fortress, the central pairing of Hawkes and Cooper can only be likened to a bank vault. Impenetrable, imposing and powerful.

Bookless channelled his inner Gary Neville to produce obstinate resistance to all the fancy footwork, getting in there and causing chaos. Litherland-Smith too, held strong. 

Amongst all the pressing Abingdon managed a breakaway to Todd, alone up front. But not alone for long, as Abingdon counterattacked with speed into the box. The nifty Robson was there like a flash at the back post. A striker’s instinct. 3-0.

The final insult came with a corner late in the game, when a bizarre own goal sealed the result. Morgan (the Welsh one) gave a bemused smile, and looked down at his body. Guilty as charged.

Oxford tried some late tricks: a burst of speed from President Measures, a sly elbow to the jaw, but to no avail. 4-0. A resounding win, a shock result to kick off the games. 

Oxford

Abingdon

Event No. 2: Ultimate Frisbee

Oxford were not about to take their defeat lying down. Captain Livesey was back, and in her element. It was time… for Frisbee. Oxford were confident of victory. Abingdon were confident that they did not know the rules.

So imagine the surprise when a quick combination left Robson in the endzone and Abingdon 1-0 up. Oxford it must be said, looked mildly ticked off. This wasn’t in the script. Oxford were soon back on level terms but before long Abingdon were back in a comfortable lead. 3-1. Then 4-2. 

Quirk, keen to show off his pace after a week in goal, scored three. Abingdon were fast, if inelegant. Oxford despaired as their carefully prepared stacks turned spotty.

But as Abingdon tired their fast, direct game started to get slower and more erratic. Oxford’s superior structure started to pay off. Turnovers were rare as Livesey and Stuart bossed the play. If they were in trouble, Witty was somehow always available. For the last twenty minutes a relentless Oxford side put together some beautiful connected play, and clawed back the deficit. 5-5. Into the last minute, tensions high.

Oxford, with their final attack, found Fulton through a gap in the defence. The comeback was complete. 6-5 Oxford. 

So, one win apiece; both well-deserved victories. It’s all square. Stay tuned.

P.S. A huge thanks to the graduate scheme team and friends for refereeing, without which this wouldn’t happen!